Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Tuesday, April 1, 2008. We are all so busy. This is your morning wake-up call.

(Paint falls from the top of a ladder. We walk the streets looking for the stains in the cement.)
On November first, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an entertainment company -- -- Base Entertainment of New York. We are one of the top five entertainment companies in the country -- last year we wrote nine-point-three billion dollars worth of theatrical productions. Our home office has 31,259 employees -- which is more than the entire population of Natchez, Mississippi of Gallup, New Mexico. I work on the twelfth floor.My name is J.R. Patterson - J. for Jared, R. for Robert -- however, most people call me J. I've been with Base for six months. My take-home pay is $690.70 a week, and there are the usual fringe benefits. The hours in our department are 8:50 to 5:20 -- -- they're staggered by floors, so that sixteen elevators can handle the31, 259 employees without serious traffic jam. As for myself, I very often stay on at the office and work for an extra hour or two -- especially when the weather is bad. It's not that I'm overly ambitious -- it's just a way of killing time, until it's all right for me to go home. You see, I have this little problem with my apartment --

(Thanks to Billy Wilder)